Anxiety Strikes Again

I can't really say again can I because it never really goes away, you just have good or bad periods and february was full of bad periods for me.

I had my university interviews last month and with that came the hardship that comes from getting out of bed, for the most part I got in my bed and stayed there for as long as I could. There was lots of hiding in the toilet or chocking back sobs and refusal to let tear fall because your family and friends have no idea what its like to be unsure of everything around you.

I travelled to the opposite end of the country multiple times for my interview which didn't help matters because I had mo idea where I was, I was surrounded by thousands of people all at one time, buildings seemed to grow bigger as my worries came to the surface.

Of course with anxiety comes looking at your self in the mirror and hating what you see, others around you always seem so put together and happy, but when you look in the mirror you see a broken shell of a person hiding where they can thinking that everyone is judging you or worried that something bad is going to happen, thinking how did this happen to me? How did I get here?

So while my life seemed to be moving faster than I was ready for I became more sucked into myself, I didn't want to talk so when I did it sounded like I was snapping at everybody but really I was just scared. Not only did my blog feel a blow my college work did too, I don't think I have written anything for around three weeks.

Here I am trying to get the grades to go to university yet I can't even find the courage to pick up a pen and write what I need. I feel like what ever people are saying to me is to judge and nit pick at my life, asking questions they have asked be for and I had answered, r asking questions I couldn't possible know the answer to, drawing more uncertainty  on me.

I'm sorry that my blog suffered toast month but I'm slowly pulling it together and hope you guys stick around.

Thanks for reading!